An open letter to Mordac

Hi Mordac --

I call you Mordac because I've named you after the Dilbert character who serves as the preventer of information services. This only scratches the surface to describe what you do to our company.

First things first, I'm 95% sure that I know more about computers than you do. The HR guy at a company should be at your mercy, but I only manage to involve you when I can smell smoke coming from my computer because you might have a fire extinguisher.

Here is what the IT guy at a company is supposed to do.

• Make sure that computers at DeltaHouse take less than 35 minutes to boot up in the morning (FAIL, mine takes 42, which is why I never shut it down).
• Answer questions that the other people in the office in a nice and courteous manner (FAIL, which is why they ask me instead).
  
• Make sure that my computer gets backed up (CHECK, but doing this during a time when I might not be in the middle of a critical project would help).
• Not look constipated and confused all the time (FAIL, you look like you are either looking some bizarre genre of adult movie, or that you are trying to read the Korean instructions on how to assemble furniture).
• Get the management team computers flipped out every few years (FAIL, mine's three years old).
  

Here are things that you tend to do, and my suggestions of how to deal with it...

• Belittle anyone who has a computer problem who isn't TheBoss (pretend everyone is the boss).
• Offer business advice when not asked for it (you wouldn't be working at DeltaHouse if half the sh!t you spewed worked; shutting the f*ck up, would be my suggestion).
• Keep DeltaHouse at Windows 2000 and Office 2003 software (this is in addition to continue planning, but never actually launching the new intranet. How about getting the company out of the dark ages... and perhaps... even training for it).
• Call me out for doing my job (do me a favor and when you have a problem with the VHRG, ask me first instead of copying TheBoss and half the office because you misread something the handbook.)
  

By the way, all of us know that you spy on all the stuff that we send via email and look at online. And don't think I'm not going to mess with you over that one day. One well-placed, well-written email, and I know I can give you a heart attack.

Sincerely,
VHRG