I Hate Nepotism... er... Corporate Inbreeding

I mentioned this in a tweet. I pure, straight, hate nepotism. I hate it for several reasons.

1) At VentingHRUncle's company, I'd dominate in HR there. I know the company well enough that I would have totally excelled there. But, they have a hard and fast anti-nepotism policy. And I really don't like the idea of hearing/over-hearing the idea of people bashing my family, and believing that this is a face-punching offense. Nor would I like to feel people go, "the VHRG is only here because VentingHRUncle is a VIP." It also has to cheapen the overall employment experience. You didn't get the job on your own laurels.

2) I have yet to see a case where this actually worked out well for all involved. At DeltaHouse, it happens a lot (though I've tried to stop it). At HRUtopia is happened a little bit (the biggest case was a person who went to the Vegas office a lot, however the Vegas office only had seven people and he really didn't need to go out there six times a year). The original employee feels like they are responsible for themself and the relative. If the relative doesn't work out, then the original employee is less engaged. And if the original employee has real nerve, they'll talk to the VHRG about the relative's performance.

3) The death of the original idea. If I hire nothing but friends and relatives, then I get nothing but the same damn ideas over and over again. I get the same attitudes, the same perspectives, and no clean slate. The relative has an opinion about the company courtesy of the orignal employee. And because of all of this zero new leadership or original ideas occur.

Why I Blog

I tried to declare today Why Do You Blog Day. However, I was told it has already been done here and here. For me, at work, I have to pretend that I've never heard of blogging (even though I check out virtually all of my blog-amigos. Blamigos? I think I invented a word). So I missed Why Do I Blog day.

Originally, I blogged because exactly zero people at work cared about me. And I wanted to share these ridiculous stories (that I was convinced only happened to me, until Dan Johnson, Ben Eubanks, and several others told me that I am truly not alone). And... well... vent. (hence the name).

Now, I blog as a severe cautionary tale about the angst that your workforce might be experiencing. Because I'm generally someone with a good work attitude (and I fake it pretty well at work), who wants to out-work people, who can out-think the room, who knows the conversation before it happens, who thinks on his feet better than most people he knows, and who can get anyone want to join a company (even DeltaHouse).

But I'm also the result of zero mentoring (like for a his entire career), zero encouragement, absentee bosses, reversed decisions, irrational expectations, zero leadership, zero people getting my back, who doesn't get checked on (yet has to check on others - side note: BigCheese has been checking on me, kinda, but I don't trust being able to go, "I possess a strong desire to scream at so-and-so" without consequence), and who sees the ridiculousness of work and workers and bosses and wants to change it.

But my folks ain't fer fancified changes. Just ask the employee who asked if a doctor was covered in our insurance network. When I answered yes, I also included the link for being able to find physicians online (without asking me). Give a person a fish, you feed them for a day... However, the employee replied by informing my that it's my job to cheerfully find this information out. Teach a person to fish... and get yelled at.

I blog because I feel like I have to. It's therapeutic for me. Which also makes me wonder if I continue this blog when I exit DeltaHouse (what's getting weird is that several people I know via networking, etc. and they are following me as VHRG - high comedy/eerie). As important a thought, I have to warn you that your organizations have these managers and employees, and your job is to stop it.

OK, I'll ask...

... why do companies have such elaborate systems for applying for jobs? I'm not going to remember the password that has to have letters, and special characters, and numbers. I mean, seriously, how many different ways can I spell, "ILoveBunnySlippers?" Which is my password for everything. I'M APPLYING FOR ONE DAMN JOB!!!!!

... Not to mention that I'm uploading my resume and then filling out little blanks for what's supposed to be on the resume throughout the process. Why is this extra step necessary?

... why are all Taco Bell room temperature's kept at thirty-three degrees? Do they not have refrigerators, and are just leaving the food out?

... if you get rejected for a job, for some reason, I feel like this forever damns you from being able to apply for another job again. Am I crazy for thinking that?

... has anyone ever posted a job "confidentially" on a job board and then had the person they were secretly trying to place apply for it? This has had to have happened, right?

... every job has to suck of some reason, right? Pro athlete: you can't eating dinner be yourself with a parade of fans bugging you. Comedian: perpetual requests to be funny. Author: constant criticism. Anonymous blogger: paranoia... no pay.

... does anyone actually eat the cinnamon raisin bagel? It's always the last bagel on the tray. Can we agree to stop having them added to the batch that gets brought to work?

... do those companies that offer professional help with resumes and applying to jobs work? They seem like a scam to me, be they advertise everywhere.

How long is too long?

I play volleyball with someone who said that she spent too much time (11 years) at her first employer. She's been at her current employer for four years. And she said that 11 years was too long to stay at the first job. And I agree with that (that did sound a little over forever for a first job). But I'm wondering what that number is?

What's the threshold for being at an employer too long?

And what are the signs that the job you are in is the job that you should stay with for a while?

4 things I'm stunned people would rather have than money

When you buy something, what you are essentially saying is this: "I would rather have the item/service that I'm about to buy than money." Now, of course, some things are necessities: food, shelter, clothes, electricity, etc. But there are other things that I've seen people purchase/own that just befuddle me: you would rather have this than money? Really?

Here are four...

Cell phone rings that are music - as someone who does recruiting, I can't tell you how many times I'll call someone and here those nine little words, "please enjoy the music while your party is reached..." and then I'm treated to "Free Bird" or "Boom Boom Pow" or "Paralyzer" while my opinion of the general intelligence and professionalism of the candidate is being shaped. And I can't help but to think, "Instead of $2 per month (or whatever this costs) this person wants me to have Safety Dance blaring in my ear?" Perfect example, ex-employee, CokeMachine came by to pick up papers from me. Before he comes by, I call him to clarify something... and... "FREE BIRD!!!!!!" In chatting with CokeMachine, I discover that times are tough, he can't find work, and he's using my info to get state assistance. I felt like saying, "Hey, I can give you $24 per year and make you more marketable at the same time!"

Vanity license plates - Pigeon was a former co-worker of mine who I just didn't get along with. She hated working and life in general, and I wanted to see her get stuck in an elevator full of pigeons (her phobia) for several hours. Anyway, she told me time and again about the sums of money I wasted going out to lunch every day. I tried to ignore it as much as possible (though I'm pretty sure she got of a tell-off or ninety-seven courtesy of me). Then one day she came in talking about her great new car. Our group went to see it. The car was covered with sh!t, including, but not limited to: several bumper stickers, fuzzy dice, a bead back-rest thingy, a steering wheel cover, and a vanity license plate that served as a double entendre for her love of weed. Yet, I was wasting money feeding myself.

Tattoos - I have an employee who wants to discuss two things: his low-pay and overall lack of having money, and his next tattoo. This guy has one sleeve tattoo, and an outline of something involving a dragon, a centaur, and a bikini clad woman who couldn't physiologically exist on his leg. But on the flip side, money's tight.

Top of the line cell phone - now I love gadgets, but I don't need to have a combo MP3 Player/Phone/Camera/Weapon that costs $700. Lumberjack has something that I don't think airport security would let onto a plane. On the flip side, Lumberjack has had his back account cleaned out... twice (according to him, "the bank totally f*cked me over"), and has had three bank judgments levied against him that I get stuck taking out of his paycheck.

5 Networking Rules

I had a networking-connection-generated interview totally backfire on me. I had a phone interview and killed it. The interviewer loved me. I felt great. They had scheduled 30 minutes, the phone interview ended at 50 minutes. Great signs all around...

... until ...

... the question, "How much do you want to make?" was asked. Now, my networking contact gave me a range he believed they'd be willing to pay. Which is what I was looking to make. So I confidentally pitch out the number. Thank you... and... good niiiiiiiiii...

... WHAT?!?!?!?!

... What the hell just happened?

... What's that gasp on your end of the conversation for?

... Why do you suddenly sound tense?

... F*CK! The number was to damn high. I just freaking embarrassed myself. This isn't my fault. NETWORKING CONTAAAAAAAAACT!

As I sat there realizing what happened, I was stunned. How did this go so wrong so quickly? Basically a massive WTF happened as I realized I was going to have to go back to DeltaHouse in the morning sans hope... again.

But it also got me thinking about networking. There are no rules to networking. There's etiquette, but no real actual rules. So I'm going to take a shot at some rules to networking. Here's five that I came up with...

DISCLAIMER: PLEASE feel free to agree, disagree, add, update, or delete these rules. Maybe this could be THE preeminent networking list of rules.

By networking with a person, I signify that I understand the following...

1) ... unless we've been friends for a while, that any contact from you will be related to growing your business, job contacts, or promoting something for your business.

2) ... The Godfather Rule applies. In the movie The Godfather a man (Enzo? The baker? Was that has name?) asks Don Corleone for a favor (no, not Johnny Fontaine, the first guy). Don Corleone agrees to the request and in return he says that there could be a day - but this day may never come - where the Don asks for a favor in return, and the favor must be granted immediately. This rule applies to networking, if I ask you to do me a favor. And later on (years from then, even) if you ask me to do a favor, I'm honor-bound to do such a favor. And vice versa.

3) ... If something goes bad (interview, business deal, etc.), and I messed it up, I owe you an explanation and an apology. You put your neck out there for me, and I messed it up. Let's be professional here. The same is true in reverse. I'd love my networking contact to explain to me WTF happened with the phone interview, but no dice. He's been in hiding. I'd rather just hear what happened. I'm not mad, I just want closure.

4) ... If the networking contact produce something for you (a job, a business deal, a new connection, a new friend, etc.) you owe them a thanks. It could be a thank you note. If it's a job or a business deal, I'd hope it'd be more. If the networking contact's job interview hook-up had paid off, I was prepared to send a few bottles of wine over to him at his office as a thanks. And if any job comes through a networking contact, I'll gladly get somebody some wine courtesy of the VHRG!

Ways you could be losing your employees

I was at a networking event recently, and in the chaos that these events tend to be, I found a group of people that I generally liked, and to a person each of us said something to the effect of, "as soon as the economy picks up, I'm gone." Turns out there's a mini-nation of VHRG's out there looking to do the same thing as this VHRG (third person... BOOM!). Reasons for the desire to move ran the gamut: money, fresh start, tired of the company, tired of the people, never any good news, beat down, etc.

But along these lines, the topic turned to what could be (or could have been, if they were as far gone as me - trust me, met a few, even at companies that I think wouldn't be too bad to work for) to save these orators, poets, and statesmen of HR. Here's some of the stuff that we came us with...

1) Spending money - GASP! Times are tough, VHRG! There is no money! True. But I'm not talking about raises or bonuses. I'm talking about a party. I'm talking about a social gathering where people remember that we are- first and foremost - people. I have two friends in the hotel industry, they are convinced that the year-end party is a dinosaur at this point. Find a place and get a deal and spend a little to have a good time. If employee say, "I'd rather just have a raise." The response is, "It's this party or nothing. What do you choose?"

2) Not checking on your employees - This is to the end of not verbally pumping up employees. Many companies think that a review equals a raise. Incorrect. A review (especially a positive one) even without a raise could make employees feel at least as if the work they are doing counts for something and is being noticed.

3) Not updating the employees - What is the company doing to try to get new business? What suggestions do you have for business success? How is the company doing? Let get everything out on the table. Have ideas of how to grow business? Bring it on!

4) Reminding them that the job market and economy sucks - Tell them that they are lucky to even still miraculously be employed while you're at it (Punk Rock HR, nailed this last week). Then kick their dog. That'll drum up loyalty real quick.

5) Not having fun - Create your own fun. Contests. Games. Parties. Come up with something, anything that you could do to make the current work situation suck less. Your goal needs to be to return the smiles to the company (even if it's for 30 minutes).