A handshake tells you a lot about a person. Their personality, whether or not they washed their hands, their level of desperation - even their health - can all be felt with the handshake. Here's are three strange handshakes that you'll probably experience this week...
The Dead Fish
What it is - This is being held out solely to meet the responsibility of shaking hands. Zero commitment to actually shaking the hand. No pressure. No grip. Just a hand.
What it says about you - I have zero personality. I don't want to be here. And I'm just doing this so you'll go away... preferably faster than if I did actually give a sh!t about the handshake.
What you're thinking when you get this handshake - Is this guy dead? Maybe he's dead? The guy just touched my hand. He didn't shake it, he touched it. What happens when someone else that has a handshake like that, shakes this guy's hand? Do they just stand there and touch hands? This is information I now need.
The Multi-pump
What it is - This person is not just shaking your hand, they are shaking you have over-and-over-and-over again. They may never let go. And they're shaking you so much, that you've spilled your coffee. And now you have to pee.
What it says about you - I haven't made a sale since George W. Bush was president. I'm three months behind in my mortgage payments. And I've been ducking the re-po guy by parking my car in different spots for the past six weeks. But I'm not letting that show, and I'm eager to make a sale.
What you're thinking when you get this handshake - The mint coming from this guy's breath is going to blind me. And I'm pretty sure that this guy isn't going leave my back pocket until I say, "OK, I'll buy from you."
The Hand-crush
What it is - This handshake might require reconstructive surgery. It leaves you checking to see if your hand is still there.
What it says about you - One of two things. 1) I hate that I'm meeting with you right now. And punching you in the face is out of the question, so this is my only recourse the physically harm you and express displeasure that way. 2) I just worked out.
What you're thinking when you get this handshake - Call 911! I think this guy broke three bones in my hand... FOUR!
** - I've executed the hand-crush after a sales rep sat in DeltaHouse's lobby FOR THREE HOURS. And wouldn't leave until I, personally, spoke to him. He tried to go multi-pump on me. The hand-crush stopped that.
** - I'm a firm-grip-one-pump-good-eye-contact guy.
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1 comment:
Yuck. I am currently in a community theatre production and after each performance we have to stand outside the theatre and shake hands will everyone who comes out. I have seen all of these. The cold fish is my least favorite. I also do not like small children who insist on giving me a high five and then hit me as hard as they possibly can...
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