The New Rules

I've been thinking of new rules that should apply at work...

NEW RULE - If someone copies your boss on an email unnecessarily (y'know just to make sure that they know that you screwed something up, or to get something extra-fast), you get to poop on their desk on Friday after they leave for the weekend.

NEW RULE - If someone has an emergency due to their own poor planning that forced you to do work, you are allowed to respond to their emergency email in Wingdings font, and in another language.

NEW RULE - If you are not a morning person, you should be allowed a "grace hour" before any non-building-is-on-fire human interaction.

NEW RULE - If you are not funny nor interesting, you should never Facebook or Twitter more than once per day. This will be decided by a committee of your best friend, a person that hates you, and someone you used to date.

NEW RULE - You are allowed one and only one unnecessary rev on a motorcycle after work. Any more unnecessary revs after one is publicly admitting that the motorcycle is the only interesting thing about you.

NEW RULE - If you drink more than three cups of coffee per day at work, the next three cups have to be out of a mug that reads, "I apologize for the stench."

NEW RULE - If you start a conversation about a TV show that I don't watch and am not interested in, I get to tell you about a TV show that doesn't exist. Because the experiences are the same.

NEW RULE - If you take smoke breaks at work, you have to make up that time at the end of the day, or get your pay cut by the amount of time you waste while smoking, or give every non-smoking employee $1 for working while you did something useless.

NEW RULE - Any meeting that lasts more than an hour comes with a written apology from the meeting organizer and five-dollar-bill.