Who's Failing Who?

OK, I'll admit it. My employee engagement and commitment to DeltaHouse has been... waning... (waning, we'll go with that... waning... good word) lately. I don't have to do too much things HR-ish lately, mainly because the employee count is below what it was when I was hired years and years ago at DeltaHouse (45% off the high, I've done the math). I've been given special projects to do - and I do them well, better than those who have given them to me expected, both spped and the quality of the product - but I'm mentally done.

I'm burned out. I'm cripsy. Stick a monster-sized fork in my and call it a day.

I didn't sign up to what I'm doing now. I didn't sign up to have markedly less employees than were at DeltaHouse when I first started. I didn't sign up for being where I am. I didn't sign up to hear that raises won't happen this year... or next year either.

What do you do to cure burn out? And who's failing who here?

The cure to burn out is... is... well, I have no idea. But eventually there will be a few things that will come across the way that I'm sure will pique my interest at least for a little while. And cure the burn.

But who's job is it to engage the guy who's in charge of engagement. There is training that I don't want to do (both training I should go to, and give). I feel like exactly zero people care/check on me at DeltaHouse to see how I'm doing, and when they do it feels forced or insincere. And I dread going to work every day.

Hell, I can't even fake neutrality anymore. "Vending machine's broke." Is met with a sigh, an eye-roll, and an "OK, is this really going to ruin your life?"

Have I failed DeltaHouse? Or has DeltaHouse failed me?

I don't care anymore, because I feel like no one cares about me. I don't get excited about training at work, because the employee base isn't going to take it to make work better. TheBoss doesn't makes speeches or explain what the company is doing (even an email), it's just loose talk where the problem is hinted at, no solutions, no plan, no leadership (though it is desperately needed). Just finger-crossing and week-to-week. I feel like I've been abandoned because the crisis is so bad everyone is retracting into themselves to solve the problem. It's gotten to the point where I've been bringing in articles to read on my own at work for psuedo development (biographies of historical figures, sports, humor, so long as it fits in my copy of SHRM Magazine no one will ask). I do everything I'm asked quickly and correctly, but I doubt it will be used for anything productive. I'm burned out.

On the flip side. I probably should keep my internet usage below seven hours a day. I probably should stop bringing in the articles. I should probably talk with the managers and see how things are going with them. I should probably fake interest in the problems of the employees. I should probably do as much of my job as possible. I should be more self-motivated. I used to be (OH! how I used to be. I used to get a charge out of the littlest HR-ish thing.).

So who's failing who? Am I not failing the company because I've put a massive postage stamp on Summer 2009, and mailed it in? Is the company not failing me because they've done nothing to inspire engagement or interest or even... hope?